The Pig Can Eat

Well, turns out the pig can eat. Like a pig. Every night when I cook, I use a lot of fresh vegetables. We're all trying to lose 10-20 pounds around here so our normal volume of veggies has gone up considerably. And that means that on a given day there are asparagus and bean ends, pieces of celery, carrot tops, red pepper and green pepper ends, bits of onion and garlic skin and ends, cucumber rind. And then there are extra pieces or corn and left over cantalope, which is taking the place of ice cream, and watermelon rinds.
And now I've always put all that in a bag before I put it in the garbage bag because Chepa taught me years ago that a bag in a bag will help prevent mice and rats from coming to the garbage. HAHAHAHAHA! Nonetheless, maybe there are less rodents than there would have been. Only difference in the last few days is that I'm now putting that stuff in the fridge till Madeleina gets off school or Marco is home to feed the pig.
And all that is fine. But two days ago, I went to get a banana to eat and noticed there were none. Funny, because I'd bought a bunch of maybe 6 the night previous. Then I reached for some left over stew and there was none...funny, because I'd put the left over in the fridge.
Then I went to grab a piece of watermelon, but there was none of that, either. Or cheddar cheese crackers, or ham, or hot dogs.....
"MARCO!!!!!!"
"Yes, dad?"
"Just last week you threw away all the food in the fridge because you said it was old. I bought all new stuff and now that's gone too. Can you explain?"
"I have no idea what happened to it. Maybe you should ask mom. It was probably little Sierra (My wife/ex-wife's two-and-a-half year old) or Alexa (my wife/ex-wife's infant) who ate them."
"Marco, they're not three years old between them. They did not eat a whole watermelon, a gallon of beef stew, seven bananas, four apples, two boxes of cheddar cheese crackers, a couple of packs of hot dogs...."
"Oh, that stuff.....Well, all I can say is that you said you liked the pig. And I figured if you liked the pig you wanted her healthy. And if you wanted her healthy, I'd do what you weren't doing, which was feeding her. So I gave her a couple of treats to make sure she gets used to us. I was just thinking of you dad. I was thinking that you always say an animal has to be at home in the home where it lives. So I was just welcoming her. Don't you get it?"
"I get that you gave the pig all the food we have...."
"No, dad. I was just bribing her not to bite you to death when you go into her pen...If I didn't feed her she'd probably go crazy and tear you to pieces. Don't you understand that I love you and was just watching out for you? I mean, can't a son love his father?"
"Marco......."
"Hang me for my love, dad. If that's all it means...."
"I'm gonna kill you someday, you know that don't you?"
"Sure dad. Some way to raise your children. Just threaten them like that. Then when I grow up sociopathic you'll be to blame. Can't you just love me, dad? Can't you just love the pig?"
"I do, Marco. I just wanted some food..."
"Sure. Be selfish, dad. And you always taught us not to be selfish. I don't know how you can live with yourself."