On the Other Hand....

Well, I had one of those days where I had a bout of wishing my ex would still love me and shine her light on me-which ain't really gonna happen--when in came Madeleina, announcing that the door on the chicken coop is breaking and where are some nails she can use? I point her to the nails and a hammer and the next thing I see is her trying to carry 50 lbs of chicken scratch--dried corn--from my truck to the big pail it belongs in on the porch. She was struggling so I took it and tossed it on my right shoulder.
"But dad! You've had a hernia and a busted intestine and three major stomach operations! You should let me do that..."
"When I'm dead, girl. Just get the knife and cut the bag while I hold it over the barrel."
"So, you're missing mom again, aren't you?"
She can read me like a book.
"So you have to show me how strong you are...I am not going to tell mom you are strong. You got that?"
If she wasn't so smart, so right, so freaking perfect, you'd want her to disappear, right? But she is, on all counts...
"Baby. I'm just feeding the freaking chickens. That's all."
"Sure dad."
And all I could do was laugh at myself. What a crazy mixed up guy I am. So smart, so dumb, so enlightened, if only I could find the light switch....yup, that's me...the guy with no batteries in his flashlight...
So okay, I'm busted. I busted myself in the last entry, and Madeleina busted me in this one.
But then I heard the sound of hammering. She was really trying to fix the chicken coop door where it's been cracked and is weakening to the weather.
What a fine sound to hear one of your kids taking care of business.
I'll check tomorrow to see if she did it properly. But whether she did or not doesn't matter. She took the bull by the horns and tried to fix it. And that's the definition of a kid doing well. I think.
Okay, so I'm in love with my kid, my ex, my goat, my dog, the chickens--we're using their eggs to make chocolate mousse tonight, which we will have after the salmon and mussels--and I'm in love with my grandbaby and my boys and Sarah.....hell, except for feeling sorry for myself I'm pretty much in love with everything.
Shit.