Well, That's How Love is if You Mishandle It

I don't go on facebook very often. But I still get notices from "friends" sometimes and those draw me in if I've got a moment. And, of course, once in a while I look for old loves. Why? Cause I'm a maudlin creep, I guess. Or sometimes just want to peek and see how some women I loved a long time ago are doing.
Well, today, there were notices that drew me to two women I loved. And in pictures, both of those women were being held by other men. I had my chance to hold them. I guess I didn't hold them tight enough. I always ran away. And when I stopped running away it was with a woman who ran away.
And so, as I was down with the flu and couldn't write worth a dime, I took a nap. And when I awoke from that all I could think of was All of my women are being held by other men.
Man, that was lousy.
I'm glad they got the right holding.
I hope they get more.
But it still shot through me that I'd failed those women, probably hurt them. They were willing to love and I was not. Selfish. Scared.
All of the women I loved love or loved other men.
Now if it only starts raining, I'll probably melt in a pile of self pity/hatred.
I miss them all, terribly.