Saturday, May 16, 2009

Madeleina in the Morning

Saturday morning and Madeleina just woke up. Comes into my office living room and announces that the day sucks and it's my fault. "What's wrong with it?" I ask her.
"It's raining and that means no tie-dyeing with Sarah and that's your fault."
"Why can't you tie-die?"
"Because it's raining and you do tie-dye outside, that's why."
"Sorry, didn't know that. Never did tie-dyeing."
"Yes and it's your fault because you know how to make it stop raining and you're not going to do it. Just like when it's hot and your father knew the rain dance and could make it rain and you won't do that for me either."
"Darling, the rain is good. You don't just ask the clouds for favors because you want to tie-dye. That would be pretty selfish, wouldn't it? I mean, what about the land that needs the rain?"
She plunked herself down on the couch where I sleep and pulled my blanked up to her neck. "And I can't watch Saturday morning cartoons, either."
"Why not?"
"Because you won't let me."
"Baby, what on earth are you talking about?"
"You know. I have to work on my report..."
She's got a report due in a few days on The Phantom of the Opera, her last school project of the year and I told her I wanted it done last weekend, then put my foot down that it was to be done this weekend.
"Honey, I told you you couldn't go to the new Sam Moon with Sarah tomorrow if the report wasn't done. I never said anything about Saturday morning cartoons, or jumping on the trampoline or having a nice breakfast. I never said you couldn't come out of your room till the report was done. I never said you couldn't eat till the report was done, or that I was going to smash guitars over your head and make you glue them back together. I just said I want the report done before you go to Sam Moon and buy a new wig and stuff to freak the teachers out at school. And I said that because I know you will promise to do the report after Sam Moon, but I know that will never happen. So sometime today, spend 20 minutes writing the 300 word report on the book you've read about 11 times and then relax."
"Sure dad, like you'll let me enjoy myself."
"You bet, baby."
"And I had a dream you were spanking me, except you were hitting me with nunchuckas. Jerk."
"In your whole life have you ever been spanked?"
"I ever whack you with nunchuckas?"
"That's not the point. In my dream you did so that counts."
"I'm so glad we're having this little chat, darling. I really am."
"And you wouldn't even let me stay up to watch The Nanny last night."
"Madeleina, it was after midnight! You were exhausted. It would have been criminal to let you stay up."
"I just don't get why you can't be like my friends' dads. They spank their kids all the time and then let them do what they want. You have to have rules. Like I said, you're a jerk. And this conversation is over."
And then she walked off to go watch the Saturday morning cartoons. And Bob Dylan started running through my head: "They stone you when you try to be so good....They stone you just like they said they would...But I would not be so all alone...Every daddy must get stoned.."
Have a wonderful Saturday morning, everybody.

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