Monday, November 12, 2018

Sometimes it's Harder than it Seems

Years ago I was given the message, during a really wretched time of breaking up with my wife, that I was to change the way I did things and to make More Joy, and Less Pain. In other words, every time my buttons were pushed, I could respond negatively, which would cause more pain, or figure out another response, one that would cause more joy and less pain. That was hard, but it was the beginning of the end of rancor, screaming matches, making the kids upset, and so forth. 
I try to live my life that way. I try to pause and think if what I'm about to do or say will cause more joy or more pain, and then I try to opt for the former.
But I'm gonna tell you, without going into specifics, that it is sometimes VERY difficult. 
Get the behind me, satan.....
I mean, all my strength and whatever other resources to go for the more joy, when I really feel like causing more pain. Yikes!!!!!

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Note on The Noble Savage

So someone was talking about "the noble savage" on FB and I told this story. I hope it does not bore you all.
Here is a comment on the "noble savage". In 1985, while out on a 30 day jungle survival course with Moises Torres Vienna, a young man, who turned out to be a Matses man, came into our clearing. He had a jaguar mouth tattoo, red achiote on his face, and bamboo whiskers coming from his nose. 
He looked like a human jaguar. He nodded toward our scopeta, shotgun, and Moises, after a brief moment of talking dialect, gave it to him, along with two shotgun shells. 
The young man walked off and in a few minutes we heard the gun retort. A minute later we heard a second retort. A few minutes later the young fellow came into our clearing bearing two hastily made leaf bags on tumplines from his forehead. 
In each was an adult mono negro, black monkey, weighing 15-18 pounds. On his head was a monkey infant. He put down the shotgun and took one of the bags from his head and put it next to the gun. 
Then he walked off. Moises said we should follow and in short order--I don't know if it was a mile or three--we came on a Matses camp that was being built by Papa Viejo, the most feared Matses of that era, a man with six wives and a lot of kids. T
he young man walked to two women who were overseeing a fire and gave them the bag with the adult mono negro in it. They opened the bag, grabbed its arms and legs, and stretched it out over their fire, where it burned to death, horribly, while they chatted. 
Then he went to a woman who was breastfeeding a baby and gave her the baby monkey, which she immediately put on her free breast to milk. 
In that single minute I had seen the cruelest and kindest thing I've ever seen. 
And I fell in love with the Matses.

Thursday, November 08, 2018

Another note on the Magics

I was thinking about the four magics I've been taught over the years by my late friend and teacher Julio Llerena today. Taught is a loose word. He would occasionally speak of them and left it up to me and the medicine--ayahuasca--for me to figure it out. 
The four magics Julio worked with are Red, Green, White, and Black.
At their essences, Red Magic is the magic of the blood, of healing. 
Green Magic is the magic of the verdancy, the flora and fauna, but mostly the roots of things that reach into water below the ground and connect us all. The water I piss today will be the rain that waters your crops next month. We are all connected through Green Magic. 
White Magic is the illumination of all things and the spark of life in everything, from the smallest sub-atomic particle to the whole universe. 
Black Magic is the molten core of all things, also from the smallest sub-atomic particle to the earth, the sun, humans, the galaxies, the universe. 
Black Magic is the the magnetic force that holds things together. It is also the most dangerous to deal with because once you have touched it you have a little of that magnetic power on you and it is vital that you never, never ask for anything selfish with that power. You can ask for things for other people, good things, but never for yourself. That is where a lot of good healers fall off the pathway of good and into the trail of selfishness. 
But Black Magic also holds the key to turn fear into fearlessness, cowardice into courage, lovelessness into love, in its molten fires. 
I'm not sure why I was thinking of the Magics today, but I was. It was cold here in Texas and I was out in my yard at one of the two creek bridges, having a glass of wine and looking at the very last tomatoes and hot peppers of the season. I was listening to the chickens and feeling helpless to bring all of us humans together. I was looking at the ferocious face on one of the trees, a tree that guards the seasonal creek and thinking that if we--us humans--could only understand how connected we are through the Magics--all of them, from healing to the waters, to the spark of life, and to the magnetic forces that holds us together--then we could drop our anger, drop our fear of the other, drop our self-importance and get to working together. Get to feeding each other. Get to treating one another like equals and do that with joy. Well, if we could understand the things that bind us together, we could actually work together, and that would be the start of healing for us and for the planet, and maybe even for the universe.

Thursday, November 01, 2018

I was missing New York, but loving Texas

Saturday, October 27, 2018

Time to Eat to Heal the Pain

I'm having a tough day. My daughter needed $180 for a couple of things. My ex needed $100 twice this week, plus she needed me to pay for one of her new child's ( whom I adore) lunches. Plus I had a flat and had to have the tire guy come out to my house to take it off, bring it to the shop and give me a new tire for $120. Plus my Saturday night car, my Crown Vic, lost it's power steering and the new power steering part cost $164. That's about $720 for those counting. And my book residuals from Ayahuasca in My Blood and Sapo in My Soul came to about $350 this month. So this is not a winning financial formula. This is a losing formula. And do NOT get me started on Trump asshats who kill people at his command and then he runs away like a sissy and blames the killings he encouraged on others. BS! But I'm trying to keep my sanity.
So my daughter asked for Uncle Clem's Chicken. I have probably talked about it before. Uncle Clem, my godfather, made a dish that he entered into the mazolla oil competition. It was seared chicken breast bites on a bed of asparagus, topped with a sauce of Campbell's Mushroom soup and Heilman's mayo, and then topped with cheddar cheese and baked.
My first wife, Clare, changed that to chicken over broccoli with the same sauce, and topped with mozzarella, which was a better dish. Serve that goup over good jasmine rice and you have a winner. So that's what I'm making tonight. Three half chicken breasts to 6 pounds of trimmed broccoli, so it's mostly a broccoli dish with a little chicken. But that's what it is going to take the stench of Trump and his bullshit out of my nose and soul. Wow! Great meal. Hate to waste it on eliminating horrible nonsense that's not grounded in reality.
Eat well. If you are hungry, come on over, I'm sure there will be plenty for everyone.

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

The current refugee caravan and other refugees

The way this caravan goes, and the way waves of refugees go is this:
The United States and corporations based here create untenable situations for humans all over the world, then wonder why people want to leave their homelands and come here to escape those hells we created. And then we have a president who wants to ignore international law regarding the treatment of people who ask for asylum--who have to be allowed in the country until their claim of asylum-need is evaluated. Traditionally they go to family or friends awaiting their court date, at which nearly 95 percent appear. We've stood that on its head and now incarcerate them, most of them, until their appearance date. Dehumanizing people for fleeing a situation we created for them. We are not the great nation we claim to be, not by a long shot.

Sunday, October 14, 2018

A hint at what I stand for

A friend of mine and I often disagree on fb. She puts up bad memes that spread lies and hate and says it's up to the reader to discern what's true or not, for instance, and I really don't like people who do that. Today she accused me of worshipping at the altar of the democrats. This was my response:
As to worshipping Dems, I'm so far to the left of Bernie Sanders it ain't funny. I think we should all get paid about equally: I worked kitchens and drove cabs and did painting in NYC apartment buildings and carried lumber 10 blocks to get it to site and no brain surgeon should make more than the people who do those jobs do. AND NO writer like me, semi famous or not, should make more than a good dishwasher. And certainly not idiot insurance CEOs or lawyers, or paper pushing people on Wall Street, or elected officials. Hell, those jobs are for generally stupid people who are afraid of real work because they know they'd never measure up. I've met lots of dishwashers who went on to become doctors, but I never met a doctor who would be able to wash dishes in a restaurant in New York City. And no, I do not believe you should be able to inherit anything more than the house your parents had and enough money for its upkeep. Every thing else goes into the pool and we get it to poor people, or people who cannot fend for themselves because of physical or mental disability, and we bring them up to the level of everyone else. And I want nearly every prison shut down because while their job is to educate and rehabilitate, we use them as punishment and that is not their description. So yes, some people need a time out from society, but our system ain't it. And I do not believe one single person would work less hard if they knew they couldn't become millionaires. They either like their work or quit. I don't care. And if you want to drink too much or do drugs, hell, let's put that stuff on every street corner, with a notice: You will not be assisted if you over indulge. So no, I do not worship at the alter of the dems. I liked Obama because he was a straight shooter, a regular guy who interacted with regular people fairly often for a president. I liked Ike, though I was young, because he did not like the idea of a military buildup despite being a General. I hated Johnson for the buildup of Vietnam, but loved him for THE GREAT SOCIETY and civil rights work-- even if he had to be dragged kicking and screaming. So you and doc got me all wrong. You know me and know that I am all about sharing and trying to make the best of things for everyone, from my team in the Amazon to my family, even if that means sacrifice for me. That's okay. Sacrifice for the betterment of others is a good thing.