Friday, September 23, 2011

Trying to Help--Feeling Useless

A few weeks ago I was very connected to spirit. It happens when I get to my late teacher Julio's home and am around ayahuasca and sapo and nu-nu and San Pedro. When I came home there were several people who needed me to sing for them. I didn't know what "singing" for someone was until I did it, but I was asked to help people who were sick, and a dog, and so I tried. And what occurred was utilizing--or asking for permission to utilize--some of the gifts that have been lent to me over the years via medicine, particularly ayahuasca.
Now ayahuasca ain't god, no matter how you describe/define that infinite force. But ayahuasca is a very powerful ally of man, a spirit we access by drinking the essence of the vine, banisteriopsis caapi with either chacruna (psychotria viridis) or chaliponga--which I forget in Latin at this exact moment.
So I asked the spirit of ayahuasca and the spirit of the four magics I know--white magic, the light in the known and unknown universe; green magic, the magic that runs through the verdancia, whether rivers, river animals, grasses, trees and so forth on this plane and perhaps elsewhere; red magic, the magic of blood that can cause/correct diseases that runs through us humans and so many other creatures; and black magic, the thick, profound, deep magnetic magic that we call gravity that holds not only the universe but each piece of the universe, in place. And I asked the guardians I know, powerful spirits who have let me be introduced to them, to help. And I asked smoke and perfume and cama langa to help, powerful allies as well.
And so I sang for those friends of mine.
And it was strong. And even those who didn't know I was singing for them got in touch to say things were happening with their ill bodies.
And then this week, it feels like the song has no power. No oomph. Like there are no spirits to call on or if there are I certainly don't know how to call them.
I still sing. I know there is life and force and will in everything and even me just hoping someone might get better is better than nothing. But I think it's more than that, normally. Just this week, it feels weak.

No comments: