Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Simple Lesson from the Spirits

Someone I know and respect wrote to say they were having a difficult time living with what they learned through the spirit of ayahuasca in the real world. I understood. I think it's sometimes very difficult living by the spirits' lessons on this plane. But this is where our living is done, and the spirits often have good advice, even if it's difficult.
In my own case, I try my best. For instance, I'd like to be a perfect father, but am not. Could I be? I don't know. I try, and then try harder when I fail. I try to see--and this is a spirit lesson from years ago--no, try to be my kids to see what it is they need. Not what I think they need, because that's me making assumptions, but when there is a problem, to be them, to see with their eyes for a moment, and when I do that, and when it sometimes work, then I suddenly know what it is I need--or rather, what they really need.
Some things are fixable, some not. I wish my wife/ex-wife's babies, Sierra and Alexa, were my babies. But they are not. So I can either resent that, or be as joyful as possible over the fact that I get to see them a few times a week and that that time is valuable and precious to me--and to them as well, I hope. (Last night the girls, plus my grand baby Taylor had me picking them up and spinning them and having them climb all over me for an hour. That was perfect. It wasn't all day, and it wasn't today, but it was grand last night.
So I wish my family weren't broken, but it is. And it's probably my fault but that's all a long time ago and these days I try to make the most of my time with them. And though it's funny, although Madeleina is the only one of my kids who live with me--and then she also lives with Chepa a lot too--I still make enough food, or have enough food ready to be able to make every night just in case the gang shows up. It might be an extra chicken in the oven, or enough rice ready and enough veggies in the fridge, or enough extra portions of what I'm eating, to feed them all. And a lot of days they don't come over. A few days a week I'm eating alone when Madeleina is at Chepa's.
But I don't mind. I don't get blue over it. I just think of how much fun it is when they do show up and so I prepare for them with a lot of joy. And if they don't, well, they've got their own lives to live. That's fantastic. If they do, they usually show at dinner time, so it's either in the oven or ready to go in a few minutes.
That was a spirit lesson. More joy, less pain. Having the extra food ready is no real trouble for me at all. If it doesn't get used one day it will get used the next or wind up with Boots the Wonderdog. But having them know that they are welcome and thought of and considered in my daily life, well, I think that means a lot to them. I think it brings them joy to walk in and ask "What's cooking?" and be told "something good." I don't think it would bring them as much joy if I only had what I like in the fridge and never had anything ready for anybody else and they walked in and asked "What's cooking?" and I said, "Nothing. You didn't tell me you were coming over."
I think you just have to do the best you can, and if you're lucky enough to get some spirit lessons, well, they won't just automatically fit into your life, but I find them pretty generally invaluable in the long run.

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