Monday, October 22, 2012

New Lawn Mower

Okay, sometimes I'm just not with it. I mean, most of the time I'm ahead of the curve, but sometimes--like learning how to turn on the television without having to call Italo to come to the house to do it--well, I'm way way way behind the curve.
   And today I just discovered another area in which I'm behind the curve: Lawn mowers.
   Now I've only got 1.47 acres here. And once the government actually takes the .30 acres they've taken by eminent domain but not actually taken yet, well that will drop to about 1.17 acres. A big lawn, but not impossible to keep after.
   So I've always had a small push mower: You mow one of the several lawns, then rake it, then move on to the next one the next day. If I did that every day I could do the whole seven lawns every week. A lot of work, maybe two/three hours a day.
   And then about four years ago my mower died and I bought a new one. That had a bag behind it to collect the clippings. That was unbelievable! No raking! Just empty the bag now and then! Why didn't someone think of that before 2008? Who knows? Maybe they did but I didn't hear about it till then!
    So I've had friends in for a few days at a time for several weeks now. Lots of fantastic people, lots of medicine from the jungle, lots of great great great food. But during that time I've sort of ignored my lawn and yesterday I'd had enough. Time to cut the damned thing. Like Tom Waits said years ago: "shave and a haircut, two bits...." So I was trimming the lawn and my friends were raking the very front yard and Madeleina was scrubbing down the front porch and we were all working and happy and then my mower quit. I tried to start it. Maybe 20 times. Wouldn't start. Then I noticed it was leaking gas right next to the spark plug. Which made me glad it wouldn't start. Thank you, powers that be that kept that thing from exploding in my face.
   But I wanted to work and I've already fixed that mower several times. More: My Home Depot credit card was down to $400 and the price of a new mower wouldn't even have it hitting $800 total, so I excused myself from Madeleina and my pals and went and bought a new one. Bought one that was supposed to be pretty good. Got it back and during the Cowboys/Ravens football game I put it together. Later in the day I got it going and mowed half the large front lawn--not the lawn in front of the house, but the front lawn past the fence to the right of that one. About 60' by 100'. I had already done half of half of it when the old mower started leaking, so I just finished the half and called it quits.
    And then today, going through the book to find something out about the mower, I stumbled on the fact that this particular mower has something you push which makes it self-propelled. Self-propelled! Can you imagine? I pushed the thing and the next thing you know I'm chasing the mower, just trying to keep up and aiming it in the direction of the grass that needed cutting! Who ever heard of such a thing? Is this what rich people have? No wonder they don't mind doing the lawn! I mean, you hit an ant colony and normally you have to push through it and push through it: Today, once I found the magic button, the machine just roared through them!!!! No wonder people want to be rich! They get bags that collect the cuttings so they don't have to rake, and they have mowers that drive on their own, without you pushing them! Can you imagine? I'm telling you, it's not a lie. They really have those things! So if you need a mower, get one! This is not futurific thinking, this exists! I am amazed! Who invented this? When? Why didn't they tell me?
    What a world we live in! Bags to collect cut grass! Self-propelled mowers! Next thing someone is going to tell me is that they make mowers you can ride on and drink beer while you're mowing. Like I'll believe that! Ha! How dumb do they think I am???


phoenix said...

And if you're really rich you get Jesus to cut your grass.

Peter Gorman said...

That would be great! And if he made wine for me just before he started working...
Hope you're doing fantastically, Phoenix. We miss you here and this Fall we've had guests continually. I hope you can make it at some point. Both Madeleina and I think you're the greatest.

phoenix said...

I think you're great too! Thanks and I would like to come again for a visit. I just got back from 3 months in germany and I'm broke at the moment. Anyway, it'll happen. blessings.

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