Not All Fan Mail Comes from Fans

So Saturday morning I picked up my mail at the post office and among the bills and offers was a hand-addressed letter. Those are generally nice: Someone sending a check to buy a book, someone sending a note to say they liked something I wrote, things like that. Home, I opened it. This is what the writer wrote:
"Please pardon me for not shaking your hand the next time we meet, if we do meet again.

"Your smug smirking egotistical presence has invaded my space again. You are a self-righteous arrogant motherfucker. But I can live with that. Because you think you are the new Hemingway.

"We have many mutual friends from the old days. Back when we knew each other we did not realize how so much less than six degrees separated us.

"I am very glad you and I are not in the same part of the world any longer.

"Though I am not a stranger to violence, I would never lay hands on you. I have only harmed people in self-defense or in service to this country. Or to protect the ones I love.

"Stay where you are and I will be happy. Watch what you say and I will be happy.

"I know you don't give a shit. But I had to get this off my chest.

"Put this on your blog you spineless self centered narcissistic award winning bullshit artist.

"I must stay underground for many reasons. And remain anonymous. So please don't fuck with me or my family."

Well, that wasn't nice and it forced me to do some inventory: I've never slept with another man's wife. I've never snitched on anyone. I've never done harm to anyone's family. So I don't really know what this is about. But to the writer, if you read this: If I harmed you and have forgotten, I'm sorry. Whoever you are, please accept my apology. And if you give me a hint of what it was I did, I can learn to not do that anymore.
Thanks,
Peter Gorman