Thursday, July 12, 2007

Wish I Could Hide Sometimes

Well, just got back home after seven weeks in Peru. Lot's to tell, but right now the only thing on my mind is wishing I could hide. Had two trips booked: a three-week mountain/jungle trip and a one week jungle trip.
The second trip, the shorter one, was fantastic. Seven strangers became seven friends and I thank them all for coming.
The first trip didn't go so well. And the hate mail from some of the participants proves it. Others found it fantastic, but the ones who resent me have really shaken me. I mean I do these trips to allow medicines and the Amazon to do profound work on people. And when that works it's good. When I become the focus of the trip then I've failed completely. And when I become the negative focus--which mostly happens when I drink too much--I not only missed but caused pain. That's not just missing, that's deplorable.
Which makes me wish I could hide sometimes. Cause I don't want to read what people are writing about me when they're saying what a rotten trip they had because I was such a freaking drunken bum.
I understand why people in show biz don't like to read their reviews. But my trips are more intimate than a movie or show. You spend three weeks with people and they usually can get you pegged pretty good. And when they say you're a bum, you probably are.
And if you are you want to run away, like I do now. But I can't. I got to face whatever is coming and deal with it head on. Even though that's gonna hurt.

1 comment:

bamboo said...

I'm sorry to hear that. I must admit (not knowing you) I was a suprised to hear of alchohol and ayahuasca on the same excursion. Hope it works out for you and good on you for not hiding.