Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Three Things of the UTMOST Importance

Not necessarily to you, but three things of the utmost importance to me. First off, my book is officially published. Changes have been made, everyone who ordered it has it on the way, those who ordered it and wanted it signed will get it when I get my copies next week. So, if you didn't buy the darned thing yet, it is of the UTMOST importance that you do so immediately. Otherwise, I'm not gonna feel the love. So get to it. Just plunk yer money down at
or go directly to and punch in Ayahuasca in My Blood in the search line.
Either way I think you'll have a good read.
And thank you all for your terrific patience and with putting up with blog entries like this. It just feels like I broke water or something. NOW STOP PROCRASTINATING AND GET THE BOOK! Please.

Second thing of UTMOST importance is that I'm nearly ready for my trip to Peru. Last night Chepa took Madeleina out clothes shopping for the trip to Peru. She came back with two friends, Madeleina, her two babies, Sierra and Alexa at 8:30, looking for dinner. So I whipped up some swordfish, some sea scallops--I've been on this seafood kick for more than a week now and man do I feel good--steak, rice, spinach, broccoli and a nice red leaf lettuce salad with some cool stuff in it. Then I popped a bottle of inexpensive but pretty good Cooks' Champagne from California and Chepa and her friends felt suitably treated.
But while that was happening, Madeleina was trying to give me a clothes's show. And the babies were vying for my attention. And so Madeleina, while she got compliments on her new stuff--first girly stuff she ever got, including a long yellow sun dress that looked gorgeous and will work perfectly in Iquitos before and after we go to the jungle, as well as at the Rosa Nautica restaurant in a mansion on a pier in the Pacific in Lima--still she got short shrifted because of the various demands.
Now this being Chepa's week with Madeleina, they all left around 10:30--long past my normal bedtime as I get up generally at 5 AM or so. Well, this morning I got up at 5:34 AM and all I could think about was waiting till close to 8 AM, just before it was time for Madeleina to go to school, to go over and surprise everybody (Chepa has no phone this week, so all visits are surprises) and tell Madeleina how beautiful she looked in that yellow dress and how proud I will be to have her with me in Iquitos.
At 7:45 I left and caught them just as they were ready to leave the driveway. "What are you doing here, dad?" she asked.
"Well, I was busy and high last night and dont' know if you heard me when I told you how beautiful you looked in that yellow dress, baby. And how proud I will be to have you with me in Iquitos and the jungle. You are the reason this trip is going to be very special to my guests. Just wanted to tell you that before you went to school. That's why I'm here."
She was almost crying and that surprised me. "Thanks, dad. You didn't think it was too tight?"
"I thought it was perfect."
"Okay. We have to go or I'll be late. I love you, dad."
"I love you too."
"Don't forget to feed the chickens if I don't come over tonight."
"Don't sweat it, baby."

And then the third thing of UTMOST importance was that Chepa came over with the babies after she dropped Madeleina off at school. And THIS IS DISGUSTING SO if you think I'm perfect, close this window now. CAUSE I'M NOT! Wish I was, but....
When it's time to go to Peru for me, it's time for Chepa to groom me. That's a Peruvian thing. She goes through my hair looking for bugs (don't have any, but she loves picking. It's a monkey thing that all Peruvians from the jungle do to each other all day long, even here in the US). Last week she was merciless in cutting my two ingrown toenails--and today it was time to cut my hair and clean my sebaceous cyst. Yes, DISGUSTING but you were all warned. I've got this stupid cyst on my back. It's about one inch higher than I can reach, and one inch lower than I can reach, so effectively, I don't know it's there. It doesn't hurt, doesn't make my shirt stick out like a lump of coal, but it's still there.
And so after the hair cut, there I was, lying on my stomach a towel on the kitchen floor and she had surgeon gloves on and two shot glasses to use as squeeze thing and she went at it. These are pretty horrible fatty deposits that really suck to have. I'm glad I only have that one. But then she takes the knife and cuts it open and Sierra and Alexa watch her clean it and the blood starts coming out and they're screaming, "Stop it! Stop stabbing Mr. P. Garman! Stop stabbing, mom!" and I'm laughing, telling them it doesn't hurt, and then Alexa, figuring if a knife slicing a half inch notch on my back didn't hurt, then probably a fork wouldn't hurt either. So she grabbed a fork and began stabbing me with it. "Nada!" she yelled with glee when I didn't wince. "Nada!"
So she started stabbing harder, and her mom was trying to get her to stop but mom was working directly over my spine and I didn't want any accidents so I told her to concentrate, which meant Alexa basically had a free hand and it was only after she drew blood from 16 little punctures--four per hard fork thrust--that Chepa realized things were out of hand.
And when it was all done and I was properly washed with alcohol, I took Chepa and the kids out for donuts.
And that's the story. That was my day. Or at least the first few hours. SInce then there have been car inspections, food shopping (Boots' chicken legs are in the oven as I write this), a nap, lawn mowing, goat catching (as he chewed through his tether) and other life stuff.
Thanks for hanging with me. Now buy that book, won't you?
But darn if it wasn't a pretty fantastic morning.


Gritter said...

AND....I want a special "signaturing" on my book (please). Man, but I wish I were going too. But.....I guess SOMETHING of import is coming along - been having these vivid dreams lately...................

SeanHags said...

Oops. Did I ask you to sign my copy Peter? I'd love that. But if it's already on the way, no worries. Can't wait to start reading!