Here I Am, Bare-Assed Soul

I will not get maudlin and I won't keep you long. But there is a tinge of sadness everytime there is a family event. Why? Because when it's over, I head in one direction and Chepa and the babies and Marco and Italo/Sarah and Taylor Rain head in another.
    Today, on a whim, I decided it was time to see Madeleina's marching band. She's with Joshua's Fighting Owls and she's the leader of the 21-member flute brigade of the band. She has a solo. That's a big step up from freshman year when they let her move props for the band on the field. She's earned the promotion. She's very good, very adult, and knows how to lead. The band put on one hellofa show today. I only stayed for a couple of the other bands--I think there were probably 30 from the local counties--but they were a cut above. No missteps, crisp, beautifully played difficult music, lots of moves, a change of uniform mid-stream that was pretty flawless. I will bet they win something at this competition.
    Well, about an hour before I was going to go, Chepa called to say hello. I mentioned I was going and she asked the details. I thought it was free; it turned out to be $14 a head, and she came with Italo, Marco, her babies Sierra and Alexa. I came separately. So they made good money on the Gorman's today.
    We sat together. When Sierra was cold I held her. When Alexa said her feet were cold I warmed them in my hands. Marco took photos and Italo cheered.
    And then, when the band was finished, we all left together. That was the sad part. Italo took his truck and went to his house. Marco took Chepa, Sierra and Alexa back to her place--Marco lives in a house behind Chepa's house. I went to a different part of the parking lot and came home to get food ready for Madeleina. Good food: Short ribs in an orange sauce on a bed of spinach with a nice side salad, no carbos.
    But there was that moment in the parking lot when we were separating, when I remembered that it was me who screwed things up, caused the rift in the family, when my heart strings got a good tug. We all love each other but we'll never be a family again in that we won't ever all go in the same direction when the party is over. And that's sad. I'm sorry I messed up.
    And that's it. It just sucks a little. And it sucks a little more knowing I was the one primarily responsible.