So Tired of Being Fat

I am so tired of being fat. I am serious. I spent my life as an athlete. A mediocre athlete, but an athlete none the less. I was playing street handball till I was near 50 (before we moved to Texas and there are no damned courts here) two hours, twice or three times a week. I rode my bike on NYC streets 10 miles daily. When I gave that up I fast-walked five miles daily. I played shortstop for the High Times Bonghitters and we won the journalism softball league two years in a row. I did sit ups, pushups and basic stuff.
    Then my body went nuts: intestine exploded, setting me back a lot; then the septic spider bite set me back for months; then the freaking flesh-eating leg disorder came around and set me back again. Now I'm fat. And I'm gonna be on television in January or December and I'm gonna talk and be cool but I'm gonna be fat!!! And I don't like it. I just drink too much wine. My food diet is great. Even last night, when I felt like indulging, I had 1/2 of a rib eye steak sauteed in garlic with onions, grilled tomatoes, salad with a balsamic vinagrette (2-1 balsamic vinager to oil), and mushrooms in the pan juice. No starch. C'mon, I'm not supposed to get fat from that. I had three glasses of wine for goodness sake. I didn't eat in the middle of the night.
   I know it's my fault, my doing. If I cut out all alcohol, cut out sweet and low with my coffee, and added an hour or two of exercise I'd lose weight. But I've already cut out candy--years ago--Ice cream is a once-a-month thing, I have starch maybe 3 times a week--generally basmati rice or potatoes in a dish, with bread once a week. I have almost cut out mayonaise entirely. So it must be the wine. But I'm not even drinking enough to get high! So I object!
   Worse, I'm gonna be subjected to being on tv as a fat pig in the next couple of months. Rrrrrrrrrrr. Time to do something about that.