Saturday, May 05, 2012

Sometimes I Am So Old and Weak

Sometimes I am so old and weak. Today, I was cutting lawn. Not normal lawn. This is lawn that has not been cut since last July, Italo's wedding. Much of it is two feet tall, or at least the weeds are. And the push mower bag gets full after about 12 feet of going back and forth across those weeds. And it weighs about 40 pounds, mostly dirt, because I have the mower set low.
   And I did maybe 12 by 30 and then watered the lawn and then quit. It's just hard. Now I don't know if it's just because I'm a pansy or if I'm just old or what the heck, but I had emptied probably 20 forty pound bags in doing that and just got so damned frustrated I decided I'm gonna call in a lawn service, just once, to get the thing done. Parts of the lawn, just 1.5 acres or so, are more than two feet tall!!! If I knew how to sell hay I could sell three or four 300 pound bails! I mean, I'm overwhelmed.
   Why? Because I'm lazy, number one. Also because I've written the hell out of stories in the seven weeks since I've been back from Peru: Working on my third cover story, two inside features and another due in two days, four 400-word pieces, two columns for SKUNK and another due in three weeks, trying to organize 3 Peru trips in June and July....raising kids, feeding dogs, changing cat litter boxes, washing clothes....same as you.
   But today, doing that lawn and wanting to not have that lawn, I decided that I might break down and ask what it costs to have it done professionally, which, in Texas, means by illegals we hate in public but hire in private. Personally, I love them, so I have no problem with them being here illegally. And if the lawn costs $200, I'll probably tip them 24 cold beers and $100 on top of that. And no, I won't pay taxes on that. People who make $30 grand a year while holding 4 jobs don't have to pay federal taxes. The 27% TAKEN  from my gas money, for medicare/ssi, local taxes is plenty.  I also don't take deductions on the $3000-$4000 I give in charity every year because I think that's sort of cheating. I mean, if you want to do a good dead, do it, but don't ask for a tax break to prompt it. FULL DISCLOSURE: Last year I only gave $2,765 in charity that I wrote down. It was not declared.
   Anyway, I'm thinking I might hire a lawn service for one day. I can't afford it, but hope they'll take a bad check. Cause I'm really gonna have a hard time pushing a lawn mower through some of what is growing out there!!!!!
   Which might mean I'm getting old and weak.
   Which I would rather not address.

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