Thursday, December 03, 2020

Being Afraid of Something

Okay, so most of you probably heard this before, so just shut it down. Cause I am gonna complain a little. I am 69, going on 70 in two months or so and I am terrified. I have never been afraid of anything in my life. Let's amend that to say I have not been terrified of most things in my life. That's better and more honest. I have always been afraid of Chris Barker, who wanted to kill me for dating Diane Z when she was his high school girlfriend, but I did not know that.
Okay, so I have been afraid some times. But not so much. I walked across the Peruvian Amazon to brazil a few times, I hitchhiked 50,000 miles in the USA, been to India, Morocco, Columbia, Ecuador, Brazil, Mexico, Peru, and so forth and not been afraid. I've been bitten by a bushmaster snake, a coral snake, an anaconda and not been afraid. I've been bitten by botflies, poisonous ants, bullet ants, vampire bats, and a Braziliaqn wandering spider, the most poisonous spider in the world, and not been afraid. I have had my intestines rupture, flesh eating bacteria twice and was not afraid. I raised three kids and was terrified. That is the exception.
But I am going into my third surgery in a month on Tuesday and I am scared as shit. What if they keep me for a week or two like they did a year ago or in February? What if there is something wrong that I don't know? And then I see kidney doctors three days later, on Friday and what is up with that? Shit, I find myself frightened after living a daring life mostly without fear. Damnit!!!

 I followed up that post with this a few days later:

Well, I bored you all with my irrational fear of hospitals and doctor visits because of how many I have had in the last several years, most of them costing me money and causing me pain, which is why I don't like them.
So today I hyperventilated from about 2 AM until 1 PM, when I was in an open hospital gown and laying on a hospital bed being prepped for surgery. That part is fine. It's the preamble that messes me up.
Anyway, survived the wait, survived the anesthesia, and evidently survived the operation, which my Doc, Doc Waters, said was a success. I'll find out if that's true in the next few days, because if I can stop self cathererizing 12 or so times a day, which I have done since March 2 well then, that is a good operation. thanks to all of you who sent light, love, peace and good juju. I appreciate it a great deal. You all were probably the difference, so thank you.
And I hope that any of you facing an operation have them go well as well.

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